


Give Me a Shot to Remember

by decotex



Series: The Sharpest Lives [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: "gaaay" seal, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Sass, Slow Burn, can you tell, dreamed this up while under the influence, i dont write romance but this is the exception, not gonna lie shippy as fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-11 03:42:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5612632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decotex/pseuds/decotex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone on the Finalizer has at some point had to listen to the General and their resident Dark Lord's flirting. They are not subtle. </p>
<p>Someone points out Kylo Ren's soft spot for a certain First Order general. Hux contemplates this over vodka.</p>
<p>Feat. heavy drinking, a ship full of gossipers, and no subtlety whatsoever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anakitty](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=anakitty).



>  
> 
> _"a Richard Curtis film in fucking space" -[MsModernity ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5612632/comments/82541536)_

“The superweapon will be, without a doubt, the First Order’s greatest triumph. A powerful evolution of the Death Star, it will allow us to harness the full power of the sun. Now, as it nears completion, we have almost succeeded paving the path to-”

“It won’t be strong enough.”

“Excuse me,” said Hux, in a tone that was the verbal equivalent of a middle finger.

And all the other officers in the room thought, here we go.

Colonel Drax realized she’d never looked closely at the stitching on her uniform’s sleeve and should definitely do that right now. Colonel Garret pulled his holoscreen under the table and began composing a reply to his mother-in-law’s latest messages. Everyone else suddenly found themselves very fascinated with various pieces of furniture-anything that would distract them from the horror that was their two bosses flirting.

“It is too weak to accomplish our goals.”

“The sun. The sun is too weak.”

“Yes.”

Hux didn’t physically roll his eyes, but he thought really hard about it. He hoped Kylo Ren could sense that sort of thing.

“Are you implying that you, yourself, are stronger than an entire sun?”

“Your weapon is vulnerable. It will depend strongly on forces we can’t control.”

“Oh, _I’m sorry_ Kylo Ren. Tell me more about forces we can’t control.”

Kylo Ren didn’t say anything for a moment. Hux imagined he was glaring.

“I am in control of myself.”

“Tell that to targeting console number three. May it rest in peace.”

The room tensed, as if everyone was collectively preparing to duck under the table. Colonel Garret turned off his holoscreen and was now just staring at his pant leg, sweating and wide-eyed.

“Watch yourself, General.”

“Oh, _please_.”

Kylo Ren swept out of the room. Once the door had shut behind him, everyone relaxed. They met each other’s eyes and smiled, brought closer together by this near-death experience.

Hux glared at the door before returning to his blueprints, but couldn’t shake feeling deflated. The grandeur had rather left the room.

\---

“Tell Kylo Ren my weapon is fully functional, and he has exactly four cycles to retrieve the map.”

Hux had already moved on to cataloguing expense reports when he realized that the Stormtrooper was still there.

“Didn’t you hear me?” he asked, annoyed. People like this guy were the reason they were over-budget. That, and one other reason.

“Yes sir.”

“Then go.”

Once he’d left, Colonel Yarlix, who had been standing at attention, approached his desk.

“Sir, are you punishing him?”

“Punishing?” They were going to have to raise taxes somewhere, there was nothing for it. You can’t just pull thirty-trillion credits out of thin air. “No, Colonel. Nobody likes dealing with Kylo Ren, but we have orders to bus him around the universe so we all just have to put up with it until his deranged tendencies or possibly his flair for the dramatic get him killed.

There was a pause, as if Colonel Yarlix was trying to figure out how to word something delicately.

“Sir, may I speak freely?”

“As long as you’re smart about it.”

He took a deep breath. “I think you do not fear Kylo Ren as the rest of us do because you hold his favor.”

Hux looked up, halfway through a sentence about Coruscant’s trading potential. “ _His favor_?”

“Yes sir.” The Colonel looked like he regretted his decision immensely but was in too deep to back out now. “He would kill us all twice over if we spoke to him the way do you.”

Hux took a moment to consider this. Mostly he was grateful for his poker face.

“Kylo Ren wants nothing more than to run me through with his lightsaber, and the moment I become unnecessary to the success of the First Order, I’m sure he fully intends to. Fortunately that will never happen. You’re dismissed, Colonel.”

“Yes sir.”

\---  
  
Hux pondered this new concept over a glass of Hayrrlax’s Distilled Vodka.

The First Order didn’t have parties, but there was a celebratory, pre-scheduled, group event going on in the Finalizer’s bar to commemorate the superweapon going live. Hux generally skipped these sorts of things but felt that skipping this one would be a bit like skipping your child’s first birthday.

“Another,” he said, waving at the bartender, who was too intimidated to cut him off.

Kylo Ren didn’t like him. Kylo Ren _put up_ with him. There’s a difference.

But maybe Kylo Ren put up with him a little more than he should, the way Hux sometimes hid equipment replacement costs resulting from Kylo’s “incidents” in his own Personal Expenses budget.

Now that he thought about it, Hux didn’t really know why he did that.

He drank until he didn’t care anymore.

\---

Hux was invincible.

His second glass made him consider it. His third glass made it true. It goes without saying that he was well and truly smashed by the time he noticed a tall, black figure stalk past the entrance to the bar.

“Hey!”

Hux ran to him, jumping up the stairs.

“Hey,” he repeated.

He and Kylo Ren faced each other for a moment. Then Hux smiled.

“Come on then.”

And Kylo Ren, terror to man and machine, allowed himself to be pulled into the bar.

\---

The room hushed as he entered. After a moment the noise started up again but it was a different kind of noise, as everyone collectively agreed to fake conversation so that they could watch the show.

And it was this way that everyone saw Hux lead Kylo Ren by the hand to the bar counter. Hux held a glass up to him and then frowned, set it back down, and reached for the mask.

There was a sound like several people gasping and then trying to disguise it with a cough.

Kylo Ren grabbed Hux’s wrists, but Hux rolled his eyes and said something (the bartender would later swear that it was, “Kylo, darling, do it for _me_ ,” while Hux would swear that it absolutely wasn’t) and Kylo let him go.

And nobody even tried to pretend they weren’t staring as Hux tossed back his hood, felt for the releases on either side of the helmet, and lifted it off.

The entire room leaned to the right.

It was the first time most of the people there had seen Kylo Ren’s face. The general consensus, which would be determined later in hallways and at dining tables and even at the weekly officer’s meeting, was that he looked younger than expected. Some would point out that this may have been because he was staring, wide-eyed, at his own shoes. Others would just express surprise that he was not even slightly disfigured, not even bald.

Because they were all looking at Kylo, almost nobody noticed that Hux was staring as blatantly as the rest of them, or that he smiled faintly, as if he wasn’t quite sober enough to understand what he’d accomplished but was very proud of himself regardless.

Kylo refused to turn his head, even as Hux pushed him down onto a bar stool and forced a drink into his hand. He was clearly aware that he was being stared at and was very uncomfortable with it, but was also distracted by Hux, who was a bit friendlier and more flushed than usual.

Feeling especially brave, Stormtrooper GD-6242 moved two seats closer to Hux and was able to hear the rest of their conversation.

“-for this, d’you know? And you’re always brooding about something. I can’t even see your face most of the time but I can just tell. Why do you have to do that in public? Do I need to greenlight ‘Project: Kylo’s Sulk Room’? We’ll put it right next to the new recycling room we’re getting to make your tantrums more economically efficient.”

“I don’t brood.”

“You do. And then you get short with me when I try to talk to you.”

“Maybe if you talked more and insulted my outfit less,” Kylo said, but he didn’t look annoyed. In fact, anyone watching him right then would say that he looked utterly charmed.

“I will insult your outfit exactly as much as it deserves to be insulted. Which is so much. Which is-” Hux frowned into his glass. “Kylo, I’m _so_ drunk right now.”

“You are.”

“Sorry about that.”

“I don’t mind.” And then, after a moment, “Your mind is a mess.”

“ _My_ mind? _My_ mind is a mess?”

The helmet slipped out of Hux’s arms and thudded to the ground, and Hux nearly followed it. Kylo caught him before he fell.

And then everyone saw General Hux, Commander of the First Order, smile helplessly and lean into his chest, while Kylo Ren, master of the Knights of Ren and Slayer of Jedi, blushed and let him.

It was only then that Kylo did a 90' sweeping glare of the room over Hux's shoulder, daring anyone to say something.

No one did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  This came to me almost in a fever dream. One moment I was lying in bed and then suddenly it was an hour later and I had plotted out what is possibly the cutest, most shippy story I've ever written. 
> 
> Stay tuned. My loss of dignity is your gay sci-fi romance. 
> 
> Also, you cannot convince me that all Kylo Ren fics should not be named after a My Chemical Romance song.


	2. Chapter 2

Hux made a beeline for Kylo Ren’s room the moment his hangover the next morning allowed him to.

“I must apologize formally for last night,” he said, standing just inside the door.

And then, because he worried that Kylo would think he was being sarcastic, added, “Kylo, I really am, genuinely, sorry.”

A large, holographic map rotated slowly in the center of the room. Kylo, who hadn’t had a chance to shut it off in the five seconds since Hux had rushed in, stared at him through the interconnected stars as if he’d grown a second head and it was an angry Croator.

Hux noted that he was not wearing the helmet, but also that people rarely do when they’re in their rooms alone, not expecting company.

“It’s fine.”

“Oh, good.”

There was a pause. Hux felt like he had more to say but wasn’t exactly sure what it was or how to say it.

Ren waved his hand and the star map turned off, plunging the room into darkness, and then he waved his hand again and the lights flipped on. Hux was pretty sure at least one of those had actually just been simple motion controls.

“I hadn’t been to a bar before,” Kylo Ren said, tentatively.

“Well, I-wait, ever?” And then, slightly worried; “How old are you?”

Kylo gave him a look. “Old enough. The Priests of Ren looked down on it.”

“Did they also look down on things like color and sensible headwear? Or is your aversion to ergonomics purely your own thing?”

“I’m not even wearing it.” He looked almost shy. Hux was beginning to understand why he wore the helmet in the first place.

“I noticed. Don’t, maybe.”

“So you keep suggesting.”

“You know Darth Vader had serious health conditions, right? Isn’t this a bit like riding around in a wheelchair because you think it looks fun?”

“I don’t wear it for fun.”

“Well, you certainly don’t wear it for its fashion value.”

“Don’t you have a ship to command, General?” Ren picked up the star projector, turning it in his hands. “I can feel your migraine from here,” he admitted.

“Good,” was all Hux managed, because he felt like death. “It’s been fun, Kylo Ren. I’m going to go throw up.”

\---

While on her early morning patrol, Stormtrooper BR-9245 watched General Hux leave Kylo Ren’s room, stop for a moment to compose himself, and continue down the hallway.

She elbowed her patrol partner.

\---

Captain Phasma showed up at Hux’s office around noon looking uncharacteristically nervous.  
  
“General. I’m investigating a possible breach in protocol.”

“Right. Go ahead.”

She took a deep breath. “It has come to my attention that there may possibly be a need for Form 23.”

“Form 23,” Hux said, flatly.

“Yes sir.”

Phasma looked like she was bracing herself.

“Captain, I drank too much last night and Kylo Ren didn’t punch me in the face when he should have. That’s all. We are not-that’s all.”

“Very good sir,” she said, in a tone that implied that she didn’t really care whether he was telling the truth, only that she’d gotten through the original question with all her limbs and distinctions in tact.

“How did you know about that, anyway? You weren’t even there.”

“It’s been, err, brought to my attention.”

“People are talking, you mean.”

“I’ve heard the story thrice this morning, sir.”

“I’m never going to live this down, am I, Captain?”

“With all due respect, sir, the entire ship saw you drunkenly throw yourself at Kylo Ren last night.”

“Oh, god.”

“May I speak freely, sir?”

“Weren’t you already? But sure, have at it”

“From what I’ve heard. He.” She struggled. “Didn’t seem to be adverse to it.”

Hux stared at her.

“All I’m saying is that Form 23 isn’t so bad. I’ve filled it out before. Ten minutes tops.”

“Captain.”

“That’s all. Am I dismissed?”

“Okay,” he said simply.

And even though Phasma was well-known for having the longest legs in the army, Hux was pretty sure she didn’t usually walk that fast.

\---

They stood next to each other facing the conference room door, waiting for Snoke to call them inside.

“Do you think he’ll be very angry?”

“Of course he’ll be angry.”

“Would it make it better or worse if I told him you destroyed a state-of-the-art holding cell immediately afterwards?”

“No.”

They waited. No one else was around; people were very good at making excuses to not be near the conference room when Snoke was scheduled to appear.

After a moment, Kylo, totally unprompted, took his helmet off.

Hux continued staring at the door, even when he noticed Kylo sneaking glances at him that were surely more subtle when one was wearing a helmet.

Hux didn’t try very hard to suppress his smile.

\---

Hux hated Hoth.

It was cold, snowy, and boring. Its best feature was its distance, because it meant that Hux didn’t have to see it very often.

Hux wanted to spend as little time there as possible, so he played hard and fast and had the planet under First Order control in a record hour and a half, two casualties.

By the next day, at least as many people were congratulating him as were avoiding meeting his eyes in the hallways, which he considered a win.

\---

Kylo Ren actually knocked, which was a first.

“The First Order is giving me an award,” said Hux, without looking up from his holoscreen. “There’s going to be a ceremony.”

“I actually came to congratulate you, but I see you have it covered.”

Hux glanced at him and frowned. “I can’t take you seriously like that anymore. Would you-”

Kylo took the helmet off.

“Better.”

Even now, Kylo had this look. Not a smile, exactly-more like he’d never learned how to accept compliments and was trying and failing to look like they didn’t affect him.

Hux switched off the holoscreen to get a better view.

“You could have done it in under an hour,” said Kylo, suddenly. “If you hadn’t sent the third battalion in too late.”

“I was waiting for the second to wear them out.”

“You shouldn’t have. All it did was weaken your own troops.”

“I conquered a planet in the time it takes a person to eat dinner. What did you do that day, Kylo Ren? Conquer an aggressively bright tracking monitor? Two fatalities, Kylo. _Two_.”

“You could have done it in zero.”

Hux sighed.

“How come YOU never ask me if you can speak freely? Everyone else does.”

“I outrank you.”

“In what, total damage expenses? Number of chairs broken?”

“You know.”

“I do, and you don’t. Not having a title isn’t the same as being in charge. You’re just here because everyone’s too afraid to ask you to leave.”

And then Hux thought he might actually be dreaming right now because Kylo Ren smiled at him fondly, for about three full seconds, before catching himself and looking mortified.

Hux couldn't bring himself to make fun of him for it.

And maybe it was good that Kylo Ren had worn a helmet all this time, Hux thought, because he enjoyed watching Kylo’s reactions far too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> : D
> 
> There are a few lines in here that might be some of my personal favorites. Any guesses?
> 
> Anyway, get ready for CH 3, aka you didn't really think this would end without some signature Kylo Ren angst, did you?


	3. Chapter 3

Everything was going fine, which was why it was all the more shocking when suddenly it wasn’t.

It took three people to drag Kylo to a transport ship and five to get him to stay down while the ship carried them away from the dying planet, back to the Finalizer. Eventually someone gave him a sedative, which was technically against regulation but, if contested, would almost definitely be classified as an act of self-defense.

Kylo was hardly going to sue, anyway.

He left the med bay as soon as (some would argue before) he was physically able and locked himself in his room, and that was all anyone saw of Kylo Ren for a while.

Which was fine with almost everyone.

\---

Two supply rooms, one conference room, various hallways, several display monitors, and one very unlucky tie-fighter later, the officers called a meeting.

They didn’t bother calling it an emergency meeting because in the wake of the superweapon’s destruction, it was implied that every meeting was an emergency meeting.

“He’s gotten worse,” said Lieutenant Warner. “This level of destruction is unacceptable. Even without his weapon, he’s managed to destroy half the ship.”

Colonel Garret nodded. “He’s volatile-a danger to all of us. But we can’t make him leave any more than we could before.”

“Someone should speak to him.”

And everyone turned to look at Hux, which-come on.

“I’m _sorry_. I thought I was the Commander of this ship, not its resident Dark Lord Handler.”

It went without saying that Hux was having a bad week.

“That may be so, but it would probably be best if you were the one to speak to him.”

“Why me? Why not someone else?”

No one wanted to say it. The other officers stared at the floor or made desperate eye contact with each other, trying to nonverbally call in favors.

Colonel Drax jumped, as if someone had kicked her under the table. “Ah, General, sir, you are the only one on this ship who has an, er, dialogue, with Lord Ren, and-”

“A dialogue? You mean when he actively antagonizes me?”

“Not as such . . .”

“If I may, sir,” tried Colonel Garret. “What she means is that none of us have any sort of relationship with Kylo Ren except-”

“Sorry,” said Hux, holding up his hands. “A _relationship_?”

“Platonic, of course. I wouldn’t dare insinuate-”

“Oh, _sure_. You wouldn’t _dare_. That’s not what’s going on here at all.”  

“Sir, may I speak freely?”

“ _No._ Especially if it’s to imply what I’m sure you’re all thinking, which is both unprofessional and, and, and weird. If Kylo Ren is bothering you all that much, you can very well go talk to him yourselves.”

No one was going to, they all knew. The officers nodded, resigning themselves to putting up with Kylo Ren’s shit for a little while longer.

Hux relented a little.

“Give him time. He’ll get over it.”

\---

The room emptied, except for Colonel Drax, who lingered.

“Sir . . . is everything alright?”

Hux sighed and rubbed his forehead.

“What do I have to do to convince people around here that I’m not the easiest conquest in the galaxy?”

“Oh, I assure you, sir. No one thinks you’re _easy_.”

He glared at her until she left.

\---

Hux ignored his navigation deadlines and sent the ship on a six-day detour to the Outer Rim so that Kylo Ren could pick up a new magic sword crystal from the super special power planet.

According to reports, he returned with something that glowed pink and made the hallways smell like burnt hair, and then locked himself in his room again.

Figures, thought Hux.

\---

The day after fire-suppressant droids were sent to the hangar bay to deal with smoking, lightsaber-reminiscent gashes running through the walls and floors, several officers and a few maintenance technicians came en masse to Hux’s office. They looked determined, like they’d rehearsed with note cards and possibly made a slide presentation.

“Oh, _alright,”_ he said, before they could get into it. “Fine.”

\---

Hux felt something as he approached Kylo Ren’s room. At first he thought it was the Force, and then he thought it could be fear, and then he wondered if he’d caught something during the stopover on Yanvin-4. The realization that he was excited, that he was looking forward to this and had been for a very long time, alarmed him. He tried not to think about it.

“Kylo,” he said, knocking. “Kylo Ren.”

The door slid open. Kylo stood inside, dressed in full armor.

“Were you going out?”  
  
“No.”

“Good,” Hux said, and stepped past him.

The room was about the same as Hux remembered it, except for the fact that the entire left side of the room was scorched. This in itself didn’t surprise him; the glowing lightsaber, embedded almost up to its hilt in the wall, did.

Hux sat on the bed.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Let me rephrase that; you should talk about it.”

Kylo stared, impassively, or maybe he didn’t-Hux couldn’t tell.

“Oh, and come on. You know I hate having conversations with a windshield.”

“It doesn’t come off.”

“What?”

“It doesn’t come off.”

“ . . . What?”

“It doesn’t-”

“Do you mean that literally, or is that an order?”

Kylo motioned for him to come forward, or maybe he was motioning for Hux to fight him-either way Hux approached him and felt around for the release, near his neck. After a moment, he stepped back.

“What _is_ this?”

“I am weak. I _was_ weak,” he corrected. “I let myself be blinded by emotion. I let myself be influenced. On Starkiller, there was a girl,” Kylo began, and Hux knew part of this story already. “We fought. She won.”

“So what? You’re locking yourself in your Darth Vader costume as punishment?”

“She won. It cannot happen again.”

They stood in silence. Hux was still trying to follow, even though he was fairly sure he didn’t want to.

“I need to strengthen my resolve,” continued Kylo, eventually, like he felt obligated to explain himself. “I need to reinforce my devotion to the dark side. I need to-”

“Kylo,” said Hux, steadily. “You’ve had a lot of bad ideas but this is by far the worst. And that’s really saying something.”

“It’s necessary.”

“How are you going to eat?”

“The body can sustain itself through the Force alone-”

“Don’t be an idiot, Kylo. You’re just a man.”

“I’ll remove it when it’s necessary.”

The added implication that it was not necessary right now went unsaid but understood.

Hux was beginning to panic. Maybe it was the concept of locking oneself in a prison that was giving him a sense of claustrophobia. Maybe it was because he was beginning to understand what it was like for everyone else, to not know who or what was under the helmet.

Very suddenly, he needed to be sure. He grabbed Kylo’s arm and pulled off the glove.

The hand was pale and slender and warm, and somehow comforting. Even so, it was rough and battle worn. It was a fighter’s hand.

He held it in both of his. If he stared at it, he could pretend that everything was normal.

It occurred to him that he’d gotten used to seeing Kylo’s face and hearing his voice, and that their interactions had slowly become an important part of his day.

Possibly his favorite part of the day.

Kylo’s hand lowered to his side when Hux finally let go.

“This is stupid,” was all Hux managed, before leaving.

It wasn’t the height of his wit, he knew.

\---

The nail in the coffin was when Snoke ordered Kylo Ren to report to an undisclosed location for extensive training at the end of the month.

And that was that, Hux thought, as they left the conference.

That night he went to the bar and drank whatever was put in front of him and didn’t talk to anybody, except to tell them to go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I felt like such a dick reading all your comments about how sweet and fluffy this fic is. I am so, so, sorry. 
> 
> I mean, this is Kylo we're talking about. 
> 
> Chapter 4's going to be the last one, but I might do an epilogue if enough people want it.


	4. Chapter 4

It got to the point where Hux could tell that everyone was on the verge of saying something but were too afraid to, so he stopped going to the bar every night and instead had a crate of bottles sent directly to his office.

It wasn’t as if it was interfering with his work, anyway. If anything, he was more efficient.

Restless in the absence of _something_ , he picked up a second new hobby-conquering planets. He took two in quick succession, Gundar and Monument 6, without even calling for reinforcements. The conquests weren’t strictly necessary nor authorized, but when handed the leash to two planets with almost no loss on their part, the First Order could do little but accept and offer their gratitude.

He was a tactical genius-people forgot that, sometimes.

One night, three-fourths through a bottle of Carillian tequila, he received a message that he was up for the First Order’s top commendation. Which was kind of funny, since they were still scraping the ashes of his biggest money sink off of the ship’s armor plating.

The words “functioning alcoholic” came to mind.

He celebrated with a drink.

\---

It was a big ship, but not that big.

Hux still saw Kylo Ren on occasion-it was impossible not to, and besides, Hux refused to go out of his way to avoid him. It was the principle of the thing.   

They passed each other on the bridge, and Hux couldn’t think of a single insult.

Despite Kylo’s inability to articulate what he wanted, Hux had received the message loud and clear.

One day he was sitting in his office when a holoscreen dropped onto his desk.

He looked up, and he shouldn’t have been surprised to find Kylo Ren standing just outside his doorway. As if he couldn’t even bring himself to come inside.

“Coordinates from Snoke.”

“Was that really necessary?” Hux asked, looking down to read the holoscreen. Scila, an unassuming planet near edge of the galaxy.

By the time he looked up, Kylo had already left.

Pathetic, he thought to himself. Utterly pathetic.

He didn’t specify who or what he was referring to. Everything. All of it.  

\---

Staring down the length of a lightsaber, Hux swore he’d never leave the ship again. He’d clone himself if it was necessary, as long as it meant he didn’t have to set foot on another filthy planet full of dirt that could ruin his pants and weapons that could ruin his face.

“You,” said the woman at the other end of the lightsaber. Seela Darrix, Jedi, angry as hell. She glared at the Stormtroopers behind him, who didn’t dare raise their blasters. “I had family on Gundar. We all had family on Gundar.”

“You probably still have family on Gundar. It’s not like I blew it up.”

She punched him in the face.

Hux hadn’t been punched in a long time. It was one of the perks of being General. You usually had people who got punched for you.

But none of them were here right now, so Hux had to get punched with his own face and hold his own bloody cheek ( _rings_ , really?), and then he couldn’t even order her to go away because she still had a lightsaber angled at his mouth.

It was shaping up to be a hell of a day.

Suddenly she slid backwards, bracing herself against- _something_. Hux knew who it was before a figure in black advanced past him.

Seela Darrix glanced at Hux.

“Is your friend in mourning? Or just melodramatic?”

“Both,” called Hux, who at this point had taken several steps back.

Kylo activated his lightsaber. It was the one Hux had seen embedded in his wall, and he could tell instantly that it was different. If his last lightsaber had been unstable, this one needed immediate psychiatric help. He didn’t need the Force to know that lightsabers weren’t supposed to flicker like that.

Seela Darrix noticed it too.

“Yours is broken. It doesn’t even work right.”

“That,” said Kylo Ren, adopting a fighting stance. “Is irrelevant.”

She ran at him.

Hux had never seen Kylo Ren fight in person. He’d known, theoretically, that the Knights of Ren were some of the most skilled fighters in the universe, but he’d never reconciled that description with the freeloader on his ship with a vendetta against inanimate objects.

In spite of himself, he was impressed.

Kylo was lightening fast, striking quickly and often. Seela, who Hux had learned recently was strong, had to put her entire body weight into blocking Kylo’s hits.

Even when his lightsaber flickered completely off and Seela lunged, he just stepped forward and kicked her in the abdomen.

In a last ditch effort, Seela threw her lightsaber at Hux, which was really just the kind of week he was having. Before he could pull a Stormtrooper in front of him, Kylo flicked his hand and it swerved to the right, embedding itself in a rock.

Seela was gone by the time Kylo turned back. He moved to follow her, but Hux called for him to stop.

“Don’t bother. It’s just another Jedi with a vendetta.” He looked directly at Kylo. “Easily replaceable.”

Kylo stood for a moment (glaring? who knows) before walking back to the ship. He shoved Hux as he passed him.

\---

The Finalizer was making good time to Scila.

They were set to reach the planet exactly by their end of the month deadline, in time for Kylo Ren to begin whatever special training Snoke had planned. The art of dramatic entrances, probably.

“Scila has just been picked up on the radar, sir,” reported Colonel Drax. “We’re set to enter orbit in approximately two days.”

“Good,” said Hux, without meeting her eyes. He stood at the end of the bridge, looking out over the control floor into the expanse of space ahead of them. “Good.”

A timer appeared on their largest monitor, the one above the floor-to-ceiling windows. Giant red numbers counted down the time until they reached Scila in hours, minutes, and seconds.

Hux watched it for a moment before turning on his heel to walk down the center of the bridge.

“Sir?”

“You lot are capable of handling the rest,” he said.

“We are, sir.”

Once he’d left, she turned to glare at the navigational officer sitting at a nearby computer.

“Was that really necessary?”

“Apparently. If not for his sake, for ours.”

“It was a little obvious.”

“Someone has to do something before Mr. Desperate over there drinks the ship dry.”

He pushed buttons at his terminal and the timer was replaced by their standard planetary approach display.

“Watch the way you speak about your superiors, Officer” said Colonel Drax, frowning and turning to stare out over the control floor. “That’s _General_ Desperate to you.”

\---

Hux hadn’t really thought about where he was going, but unsurprisingly ended up in his office, holding a bottle of vodka. Loriellian this time. Exquisite.

He’d just pulled out a glass when a dark figure entered the room.

“What,” said Hux, staring at him. “What.”

Kylo didn’t say anything, so Hux turned back to his vodka. He didn’t have the mental energy for this right now, or possibly ever.  

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” said Kylo, as Hux reached for the bottle.

“Oh, I _shouldn’t_.”

“Maybe not.” He sounded hesitant.

There was a silence.

Kylo raised his hand. They both watched as Hux’s glass slowly slid across the desk, tipped over the side, and broke on the floor.  

Hux just sighed and turned back to his monitor. Ablion 5, he was thinking. Maybe its moons, too.

Kylo appeared to have run out of ideas. Hux was prepared to let him stand there all night.

There was a sound. Hux expected to hear the door slide open, but instead Kylo walked over to the wall and slammed his fist into it. The reinforced steel actually dented. Hux tried not to look impressed.

“You _idiot_ ,” said Kylo, and Hux saw where this was going.

“Now? Here? Had to destroy one last room before you left, did you? Well, have at it.” He pushed his chair back and crossed his arms. “Go ahead. I can hardly stop you.”

Kylo just stood there for a moment, breathing heavily. It was already the longest conversation they’d had in weeks.

“Do you have a wrench?” he asked, finally.

“No. What would I need a wrench for?”

Kylo motioned to his head. “There’s a bolt. At the back.”

Hux stared.

\---

Anyone awake at midnight that day would have seen General Hux, not exactly running but at the very least power walking towards the repair room.

\---

“Is everything alright, Sir?” asked the droid repair technician, slightly alarmed as Hux dug through his toolbox.

“Yes, fine.”

He abandoned the toolbox and began opening and closing various drawers.

The droid repair technician turned back to his work. Never a dull moment on this ship.

\---

This close to Kylo’s helmet, he could see his eyes through the glass.

He looked afraid.

Hux took one hand off the wrench and placed it on Kylo’s back. He hoped Kylo could feel it through his armor. He also hoped Kylo couldn’t tell he was shaking.

The bolt fell to the ground. Hux pulled his hands back from where he’d been reaching around Kylo’s neck and stepped back.

Kylo removed the helmet himself and stared at the ground, clutching the helmet to his chest.

It was a large scar, bisecting his face from his forehead almost to his chin. Hux didn’t realize he’d reached for Kylo’s face until he was already pushing the hair out of his eyes.

“It’s barely noticeable,” said Hux, finally.

“Hux.”

“I’m serious. I mean, it’s big but it kind of-” He gestured. “Works.”

“ _Hux_.”

“Do you want to hear me say it? Fine, Kylo. You’re still pretty. Happy?”

Kylo had that look again, and-oh no. It hit him hard this time. Hux turned around before he could do something stupid. He moved to put away the vodka.

“Wait.”

Hux turned.

“Give it here.”

\---

Kylo was a lightweight, which surprised absolutely no one.

There was a couch in the corner of Hux’s office. He’d been meaning to have it removed for a long time, but right now he was glad he hadn’t. Kylo wasn’t really in a state to sit up.

“I’ve never been to Scila,” he said, lying at a 45’ angle on the couch arm. His cape, boots, and gloves were somewhere on the floor.

“Practically nobody has,” said Hux, who was more sober than he’d been all week. He was fine with that-if he had to pick an hour to be sober for, he’d pick this one.

“I wonder what it’ll be like.”

“Cold and dreary, I imagine. You’ll love it.”

“Will you notice I’m gone?”

“Of course,” Hux said quickly. And then, to cover it up; “You have no idea how much time I spend picking up after you.”

He’d meant it as a joke, but Kylo got quiet.

It was well past midnight. The room was silent, the lights were dimmed, and Kylo would be taking the shuttle to Scila in under twenty-four hours. Hux tried not to think about it.

“They told me you insisted on going back for me.”

“I did.” No point in lying now.

Kylo looked down. He looked like he was suppressing a smile.

“What?”

“They also told me you cried.”

“I didn’t _cry_.”

“They said you sent everyone away from the med bay for an hour but the doctors came in and saw you crying.”

“My own ship. My own employees. Don’t they know I control half the galaxy’s missile supply? Don’t they know I control their _paychecks?_ ”

“That’s really sweet, Hux.”

“I . . . I have my moments.”

The room fell to a comfortable silence. Hux watched Kylo from the other side of the couch. Without the bulk of his cape and helmet, he was as lanky as Hux. Stronger, probably, but not so much bigger. Maybe that was why he wore it in the first place.

He realized, embarrassingly, that this was the happiest he’d been in a long time.

“You know,” said the vodka. “It wasn’t _just_ about getting more attuned to the dark side. I mean, it was about that but there was also - I figured if there was ever any time for me to not wear it, it was before - you know.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Kylo,” Hux said, a little sharper than he’d intended but only because the concept that someone like Kylo could be self-conscious surprised him. “I wasn’t kidding, you know,” he tried, a little gentler.

“What?"

Hux stared at the ceiling.

“You’re still pretty.”

\---

The day Kylo Ren was set to leave the ship, Hux woke up with a literal weight on his chest. Kylo laid half on top of him and half on the couch, asleep.

He didn’t dare move. Instead he just closed his eyes and wrapped his free arm around Kylo’s back. He felt Kylo’s slow breathing against his side. Peaceful.

Hux corrected his statement from last night; _this_ was the happiest he’d been in a long time.

\---

Hux wasn’t sure how long he’d laid there, stroking Kylo’s back. He heard the maintenance crew out in the hallway, and then the early morning patrols. The ship woke up slowly, and Hux _felt_ it-all the interconnecting jobs and regulations, all by his own design. Usually he felt a sort of pressure to oversee it all, to make sure it was still functioning the way it was supposed to. Today, he didn’t care.

“Shouldn’t you be on the bridge?”

Hux froze, a little guiltily.

“How long have you been awake?”

“A while.”

“Oh.”

Kylo stretched. He didn’t quite fit on the couch like this. Hux put his arms around him and dragged him upwards, so his face was almost at Hux’s shoulder.

Kylo met his eyes for exactly one second.

“You’re going to be late,” he said, a bit sadly.

“I don’t care.”

“People will talk.”

“Let them talk.”

“You’ll be in trouble.”

“Worth it.”

“ _Hux._ ”

Hux kissed him, and that was that.

And for a while, Scila felt very far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> : D
> 
> *gay seal*
> 
> Also I lied, there are gonna be 5 chapters and an epilogue. I ended up splitting what was supposed to be 4 in half because as you can see it was already super freaking long. 
> 
> Anyway thanks for the likes + comments! I love you all.


	5. Chapter 5

One would look at Scila, which was a sort of jade color with blotches of cloudy white, and swear that it was a billion miles away from any source of heat. They’d be shocked, now, as the Finalizer had to turn up the tint on its windows to counter light from a star, peeking out about three-fourths to the side of the planet and illuminating its atmosphere in a glacial glow.

It was one of _those_ sights.

The longer you’ve traveled the galaxies, the more you think you’ve seen all there is to see, the more you’ll begin to suspect that the universe takes your attitude as a challenge.

The control room, with its floor-to-ceiling windows, had the best view. From the bridge Hux noticed several people who didn’t technically need to be there, but he didn’t say anything. Just this once.

“T-minus sixty minutes, sir.”

A figure stood up close to the windows on the control room floor, silhouetted black by the sun. Hux smiled. Dramatic to the very end.

“ . . .Sir?”

Hux turned. Colonel Drax stood in a salute.

“Good,” he said. “Really, Colonel. You’ve done well. Pass on my thanks to the rest of the officers.”

“Oh,” was all she said, looking a little bit shocked. “I . . . okay. Thanks. Sir.”

“It’s been quite a few months, hasn’t it?”

“It has, sir.”

They stood, watching as the planet grew closer.

“Sir?”

“Yes?”

“We can take it from here, if you’d like. I mean, if you have anywhere else to be.”

He almost laughed.

“Colonel, I don’t know what you’re implying-”

“Only that you’re a busy man, sir.”

She winked as he passed, or it could have been the sun in her eyes.

He would discipline her for that later.

Actually, maybe he wouldn’t.

\---

“Scared?”

“No,” said Kylo, glaring. 

Hux stood next to him, looking out over the approaching planet. This close, they could see the ice caps.

“Well, that makes one of us.”

Kylo looked at him a bit tragically for a moment, and then back out the window.

A hand slipped into his, hidden from everyone behind them by his coat. Hux looked down-Kylo’s right glove lay on the floor between them.

“Not a word,” said Kylo staring straight ahead.

They were fighter’s hands, sure. But maybe they were also the kind that caught you.

Beside him, Kylo made a choking noise.

“What?”

“I can’t believe you said that.”

“I . . .” For one rare moment, Hux was speechless. “I didn’t _say_ it. Get out of my head.”

“I’m not in your head, actively. It’s sort of a . . . it’s hard to explain,” he finished lamely.

But Hux knew enough about the Force to know that nothing just happened; it had to be allowed to happen. Whatever this was-it was hard to explain-had been initiated by someone, and since it definitely hadn’t been Hux-

He squeezed Kylo’s hand.

And then, he wondered-because why the hell not. He thought of _other things_ , as loudly and graphically as possible.

Beside him, Kylo gasped.

“I’m sorry, is something wrong?”

“No, nothing,” said Kylo, blushing. “Nothing.”

“Are you sure? You seem-”

“I’m fine.”

“If you’re sure," said Hux, smiling.

Scila was close now, close enough that they couldn’t see the star behind it. It was pretty but uninviting, which reminded Hux of someone.

“Don’t let anyone clear out my rooms,” said Kylo, suddenly. “I don’t care if Snoke himself stays on the ship. Nobody uses them. That’s an order.”

There was a long pause.

“I’ll need them when I come back.”

Hux didn’t think about it until he’d already pulled back from the kiss, hand falling from Kylo’s non-regulation hair.

They stood still, very aware that they were in the busiest room on the ship. The control room technicians near them were suddenly very quiet and very focused on their work.  

“Hux,” said Kylo, giving him an “only one of us is leaving this ship and it isn’t you” look.

“I know,” he said.

“You’re the _General_.”

“I know.”

“You-”

“I know, Kylo. Believe me, I know. I’ve been thinking, though. People are going to talk, no matter what I do. But now, every time someone gives me a look, every time someone implies that I slept my way to the top, every time someone brings up my supposed  _special relationships_ , I won’t mind it as much because it’ll remind me of you.”

They could see now that the patches of white were actually moving storms, which faded in and out in swirling patterns.

After several seconds, Hux risked a glance.

Kylo’s eyes were relatively the same size as the Death Star.

"Ah," said Hux. "Was that too-"

"I'm going to miss you." It was the most honest, most un-Dark-Lord, least violent he'd ever seen Kylo Ren. It was . . . sweet. Reassuring. 

Hux was not going to cry. He was  _not._

"Just come back."

"I'll . . . I'll do my best."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT GUYS
> 
> IT'S DONE
> 
> . . . Except it isnt. Stay tuned for the epilogue!
> 
> Once again, thanks for the support! I love you all.
> 
> Also shoutout to anakitty.tumblr.com . This is her fault.


	6. EPILOGUE (Goodbye To A World)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can, read this on something with Youtube capabilities (something you can have a Youtube video playing while reading at the same time). Preferably not a phone (CARSON).  
> Don't worry about it for now.

And that was the last anyone saw of Kylo Ren for a long time.

Except, it wasn’t.

\---

About a month later, Hux felt a soft pressure (in his _head_ , you heathens). It was warm and not entirely uncomfortable. He wrote it off as another of many bodily irregularities caused by the stress of your biggest project literally blowing up in your face, and went back to cataloguing resources from their latest planetary conquest.

He felt it again a week later, just as he was leaving the bridge. It lasted longer this time, maybe thirty seconds, before fading away. When it happened a third time, he concluded that either someone was poking his mind with the Force or he was finally about to die from an aneurysm, like he’d always suspected.

He considered it late one night while lying in bed. It was pulsing this time, reaching for his consciousness and clinging on as long as it could before losing strength and fading, only to repeat itself. He knew who it had to be, of course, but somehow was still doubtful. From what he’d seen, Kylo’s Force usage was usually the equivalent of a steel club swung by a wampa. This soft, weak, barely hanging on pressure was relatively unimpressive and underwhelming, for Snoke’s supposed prodigy.

He looked down at his hand, which was lying face up on the bed. Slowly and on its own accord, his middle finger twitched upwards.

Hux laughed.

He fell asleep thinking it was sweet that even light years away, Kylo Ren could still give him headaches.

\---

“What’s with him?” AN-673 asked, tightening the cap of her blaster.

General Hux leaned against the railing of the upper walkway that overlooked the hangar, staring out the hangar exit into space. Occasionally someone would come to him with a report, which he would listen to and then wave away, to continue his staring.   

RQ-117, her patrol partner, was getting his equipment ready next to her.

“Didn’t you hear? We’re passing system L-241 on the way to Coruscant.”

“Yeah? So?”

“Scila’s in that system.” He raised his eyebrows.

It took her a moment. “ _Oh_. Are we gonna-”

“Yeah, we’re picking him up on the way. The First Order wants to check in with his training. Or something.”

_“Or something.”_

They put their helmets on and went to stand in line with the other Stormtroopers.

“Hey,” said RQ-117. “Fifty credits says the General disappears with Ren within the first ten minutes he’s here.”

“No way. I still haven’t recovered from the group pool last time. I’m not putting money on the General’s self-control ever again.”

“Five minutes?”

“ . . . Fine. But another fifty on the General making up some excuse to be on the shuttle to Scila.”

“Deal.”

\---

“Sir, the transport’s leaving for Dargith,” Phasma said, standing in Hux’s doorway.

Hux, who was fifty words into his third report of the morning, waved her away.

“Go without me. Tell them to apologize for my absence or something.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Oh, and Phasma.”

“Yes, sir?”  
  
He stared intently at his holoscreen.

“Would you mind bringing me a copy of Form 23?”

He didn’t need to look up to know that she was staring, nor see through her helmet to picture the look on her face.

“Feeling confident, are we sir?” she asked, and there was no voice modulator in existence capable of hiding that amount of smugness.

“I don’t know what you mean, Captain.”

“Of course, sir. Of course.”

\---

The next day Phasma delivered a 7-inch tall stack of papers to Hux’s office.

“They only print them in batches of two-hundred,” she deadpanned. “My apologies.”

Hux actually laughed.

\---

Against all odds, he didn’t get on the shuttle to Scila.

He seriously considered it, but figured that he’d have a wealth of opportunities to showcase his own desperation over the course of the day and should at least pass up the first one, if only for the sake of appearances. Which, admittedly, had kind of been a moot point ever since he kissed Kylo Ren in front of half the crew.

But whatever.

Hux waited in the shuttle bay with more of an entourage than he’d expected. The First Order, apparently deeming the visit of Snoke’s star student an important occasion, had sent two Lieutenants and an Admiral from nearby bases to interview him on his progress.

Kylo was going to love that.

“Do we have adequate protection?”

Hux turned to stare at Lieutenant Cedar, who was hovering nervously in the center of several stormtroopers.

“For . . .?”  
  
“I hear he’s volatile.”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t attack superior officers,” said Admiral Ledo confidently. And then, directed at Hux and a little less confidently; “Would he?”

All three officers looked worried when Hux hesitated.

“Just . . . don’t provoke him. You’ll be fine.”

He didn’t even sound convincing to himself.

\---

By the time the shuttle docked from Scila, Hux was practicing deep breathing exercises.

Yeah, he’d been looking forward to this ever since the exact second that Kylo had left the ship. And yeah, he wouldn’t lie. The only reason he hadn’t ordered rose petals was because the nearest planet that grew roses was Coruscant, and they wouldn’t have gotten here in time.

The ship had been quieter without Kylo Ren. Less interesting. Hux’s equipment replacement budget had gone practically untouched last quarter. He’d felt like breaking a window or something himself, just for old times sake.

He’d missed-well, best not to go too far down that road right now. Not today.

The blast doors slid open. Kylo Ren swept inside, flanked by two Stormtroopers. He hadn’t lost his flair for the dramatic, Hux noted with some pride.

“Lord Ren,” said the Admiral, bowing.

Kylo regarded him for about half a second before turning to Hux.

“General.”

“Kylo Ren.” He tried not to sound endearing. “Still wearing that _idiotic_ helmet.”

(He heard Lieutenant Cedar gasp.)

Kylo looked at him. “Still insufferable.”

And oh, Hux _had_ missed this. He was already smiling-he couldn’t help it. He had a suspicion that under the helmet, Kylo was too.

\---

The debriefing was going about as well as Hux had predicted.

Around the five minute mark, Kylo cracked the holograph projector in half with his mind and stormed out.

“Well,” said Hux, after a brief but pointed silence. “I’d say that about concludes this meeting.”

“Control your _pet_ ,” hissed Admiral Ledo, giving Hux a death stare.

“Oh, like it’s _my_ fault.”

“Order him to give us a full report. Order him to step down.”

“I don’t think he knows how,” said Hux honestly. “Besides, Kylo Ren hasn’t followed an order in his life-certainly none of mine, at least. This is what he’s like, and the rest of us just have to deal with it.”

“Not all of us.”

“No?”

“No. So I hear.”

He gave Hux a look, which-okay, sure. It was going to be _that_ kind of conversation.  

“Oh, _please_ go on. Tell me more about these things you’ve heard.”

“There are rumors that this ship has seen unprofessional, _inappropriate_ behavior not befitting a high-ranking officer.”

“That’s true. But we’ll excuse you, just this once.”

Colonel Garret made a choking noise.

The Admiral took a deep breath. “General, there’s no other way to say this. You can’t allow him to get away with this just because you’re getting _fucked by-”_

“Sir!” blurted Colonel Drax, standing up. Her face was as red as her hair.

Everyone turned to look at her. There was a beat.

Hux wasn’t sure what she intended to do. Offer to duel for his honor? He appreciated the sentiment, at least.

“Colonel, sit _down_ ,” commanded Admiral Ledo.

She shot Hux a desperate look before complying.

“If you’re done, Admiral-”

“I’m not.”

“Oh, right.” Hux stared at the ceiling. “Of course you’re not. Sorry, just wishful thinking.”

Admiral Ledo pounded the table. “For the sake of the First Order, something _must be done-”_

“You know, Admiral,” interrupted Colonel Yarlix. “You keep talking as if the First Order has some big problem here. But as far as I can see, the only one who sees a problem here is you.”

“I don’t have a problem,” said Colonel Tiberius.

“Me either,” added Colonel Drax. “Sir.”

The other officers nodded in agreement.

“And if you have a _problem_ with the way we deal with Kylo Ren, well, you can probably still catch him in the halls. Feel free to confront him. In your own time, Sir.”

Admiral Ledo turned to glare at each person in the room, looking a bit like an angry sprinkler.

Hux smiled brilliantly. “So I’d say that _that_ about concludes this meeting.”

\---

The other officers stayed seated, even after Admiral Ledo, Lieutenant Ceder, and Lieutenant Porter had left.

They looked at Hux expectantly.

Hux tried to look annoyed.

“Yes, you’re all very clever. Do you want medals? Go on. Go.”

\---

Colonel Drax caught up with him in the hallway. Barely. About a foot and a half shorter than Hux, she almost had to skip to keep up with him.

“Sir, I just wanted to apologize-”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, Colonel. Admiral Ledo is an idiot and everyone knows it.”

“Right, but, you know we don’t . . . that is, the rest of us don’t, we stand by your, uh-”

Hux stopped. She almost ran into him.

“Drax, I can’t say that I know what you’re talking about. But I will say that I won’t have anyone, admiralty or otherwise, spreading lies on my ship.”

And then, because he was in a terrifyingly good mood and because the hallway was empty, he shot her an almost-smile.

“Ren doesn’t fuck _me_.”

\---

Kylo was sitting on Hux’s bed when Hux walked into his room.

“Oh, good,” said Hux, at the same moment that Kylo stood up and asked, “What’s in my room?”

Hux didn’t answer for a moment.

It wasn’t that he’d forgotten what Kylo looked like. It was more that he was surprised, again, by how good it felt to see Kylo’s face, even-especially-if he was glaring at him, which just added to the nostalgia.

“Extra control monitors,” said Hux, before the silence could get uncomfortable. “We’re using your room for storage. Brilliant, isn’t it?”

“No. I told you specifically not to use my room.”

“Yes, but I thought that was more of a symbolic thing. Space is a limited resource here, you know. And technically, we didn’t give it away to anyone or move your things.”

“Hux.”

“It’s still yours. Just, with a few more control monitors.”

“Hux.” Kylo stepped forward, so that they were face to face. “How am I supposed to-I can’t stay in a room that’s filled with your equipment-”

“You’re going to wrinkle that.”

Kylo looked down. He was clutching the lapels of Hux’s coat in his fists.

He dropped his hands.  

“Sorry.”

Hux stared at him for a moment, and then shrugged off his coat and walked to his closet.

“You can just kiss me, you know,” he said to the closet, as he smoothed out his coat and carefully hung it up. “You’re allowed.”

He turned around and almost laughed, because Kylo could not have been more obvious if he’d written “I DON’T DO THIS VERY OFTEN” on his face.

“Oh, _don’t._ Only one of us is allowed to be scared, and it’s certainly not the one who just flew in from advanced murder training.” Hux ran his hands through his hair. “Don’t make me beg, Kylo Ren.”

Kylo didn’t.

Kylo was almost alarmingly careful and delicate, like he was afraid of breaking him. Hux didn’t even realize Kylo was shielding his head until he’d backed into the wall, and instead of steel rested against a warm hand.

Kylo pulled back and stared at him. “I’m glad-” he began, falteringly. “When I was gone, I wasn’t sure if . . .”

“What?” asked Hux, a little more breathlessly than he’d intended. He cleared his throat. “What? Oh. _Oh_. Kylo, who else could there possibly be?”

Kylo looked like he wasn’t sure what to say, so Hux wrapped his arms around him and put his head on his shoulder.

After a moment, Hux felt a hand settle on his back.

“How was Scila?” Hux asked, closing his eyes.

“Fine.”

“What did you do there?”

He felt Kylo tense, slightly.

“I . . . did exercises to improve my connection with the Force. Among other things.”

“Show me.”

Kylo shook his head, sadly almost. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

There was a silence.

“Besides,” he added, and Hux could hear the smile in his voice. “I’ve already shown you the best part.”

“The whole ‘breaking equipment with your mind’ thing stopped being impressive about seven holoscreen projectors ago.”

“No, I meant-” Kylo paused, and Hux felt the pressure in his forehead again.

“Oh, _that_. What is that, anyway?”

“I’m using the Force to-we have a . . . connection, but I’m, it’s-”

“-hard to explain,” finished Hux, smiling into Kylo’s neck.

“ . . . Yes.”’

Hux straightened and leaned back against the wall, so that he could watch Kylo.

He hadn’t changed much, as far as Hux could see, which was a relief. Same angry scar, same gentle expression, same soft features. The clothes were different, technically, but basically came together for a similar result.

There was a bandage on Kylo’s shoulder that seemed to wrap around his torso, under his clothes.

“Is it-” Hux gestured. “All over?”  
  
“Partially.”

Hux slipped his fingers down either side of Kylo’s pants.

“Can I see?”

\---

It occurred to Hux, as he laid in bed next to Kylo Ren, moments after settling into an oddly comfortable afterglow, that he was really in for it now. Up the creek. Sunk. Done for. Ruined.

He felt Kylo shift next to him, and smiled.

Whatever.

“Can I stay here for the night?”

Hux rolled over to give him a look.

“You’re not serious, are you?”

“ . . . Yes?”  
  
“Really? Did you actually think this was all about the sex? Do you think I waited all this time for you because no one else would sleep with me? Just how desperate do you think I am? Don’t answer that.”

“Hux.”

“I feel like you’re not getting this, Kylo, so I’m going to have to spell it out for you. You keep saying things like “my room,” or, “your room,” or, “my equipment.” But as far as I’m concerned, this entire ship, this crew, me-we’re all yours, and have been for quite some time. Against my better judgement and survival instincts, and as loathe as I am to admit it, I find that I like you rather a lot.”

Hux laid very still, waiting for some sort of response. He was still waiting when he felt something-music, was the best way he could describe it, except there was no sound. He closed his eyes and let it wash over him. Satisfied, hopeful, and maybe a little sad, too.

He realized, suddenly, two things.

First, in his own weird way, this was Kylo’s equivalent of a confession.

Second, their “connection,” the one that was hard to explain-Hux understood. It wasn’t so much that Kylo was invading his mind as it was that Kylo was lowering his barriers. He was allowing himself to be seen, allowing someone else into his consciousness and trusting them not to break it.

The room was silent, but after a moment Hux felt Kylo brush against his side and put his arm around his chest and it was too hot and not unentirely sweaty but they fell asleep like that anyway.

\---

Hux woke up in the middle of the night. There was no movement from the body beside him, but somehow he knew that Kylo was awake too.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I thought of an official title for you.”

“Did you?”

“How do you feel about ‘General’s Consort’? We’ll get you a nametag and everything.”

Kylo made a noise. Hux realized he was laughing, and also that it was adorable.

“You know,” said Hux, prodding Kylo with his foot. “You’re _fit_.”

“Of course I’m fit. I’m a Sith Lord.”

“Right, right, but I always assumed that your strength was mostly magic. The Force, even.”

“Well, it’s not.”

“Then how did you get those biceps?”

“I work out.”

“With magic?”  
  
“With weights.”

For the second time in as long as he could remember, Hux was feeling invincible.

“Let’s go to a seedy bar somewhere. Not one of those ‘Admiral’s Clubs’-a real, genuine, scary bar on a street where they sell lots of drugs.”

“On Coruscant?”

“Anywhere. We’ll sneak off in one of the less conspicuous shuttles. We can put tape over the First Order logo or something. I’m sure there’s a planet nearby. Tomorrow.”

“I’m supposed to go back tomorrow,” said Kylo, not bothering to hide his disgust.

“So? Go back late. Or stay an extra day. Maybe, even, a few days.”

“ . . . I can’t.”

It was uselessly painful, Hux knew. They both had their jobs, their duties.

He tried not to sound disappointed anyways.

“Oh, sure. Pick your life’s ambition over me. ‘General’s Consort’, I’m telling you. Fantastic position. Great benefits. It’s a one-time offer.”

“Hux.”

“It’s actually not. It’s actually very open-ended.”

There was a silence.

Hux felt the weight of time slipping by, of the deathly importance of each passing second. He blinked, trying to let it slide over him, tried not to be suffocated by it.

“What’s . . . the point of all this?”

“The point?”

“Yes. What’s the _point_ ,” Kylo said, bitterly.

Not for the first time, Hux wondered what had happened to him, what had made him the way that he was. (He tried and failed to picture a well-adjusted, emotionally-mature Kylo Ren. The concept was unsettling.) He realized that there was no reason he couldn’t find out himself, right now-sift through Kylo’s memories until he found what he wanted.

Instead, Hux closed his eyes and welcomed Kylo into his mind, allowed him a glimpse. He felt the warm pressure in his head that was Kylo, familiar and welcome at this point, and watched as Kylo saw. The two of them moving away, leaving their lives on the ship for something far away, where no one would ever find them. Or another world, where everything is the same except they’re Co-Commanders of the Finalizer.

Fantasies, all of them. Hints of lives that will probably never exist. But important, nonetheless.

_The point._

The room was silent for a moment. Hux felt Kylo’s slow breathing next to him.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Hux.” He said it flatly, like he wasn’t joking.

“Does this feel like death to you?”

“Yes,” Kylo admitted. “In a way.”

Hux knew what he meant, because he felt it too. It felt like-

It feels like-

It-

Stop.

Stop reading for a second and go to Youtube. You’ve read this far, almost ten thousand words now-just trust me on this one.

Look up “Goodbye To A World” by Porter Robinson.

Play it, and keep reading.

Hux and Kylo lie on the bed. Hux is flat on his back. Kylo is on his side, facing him. He puts his cheek on Hux’s shoulder, and you can see the moment that Hux’s cold, First Order heart drops into his stomach.

Take a step outside the room.

In the brightly-lit hallway, Stormtroopers RQ-117 and AN-673 are about to finish their patrol. Like they do every night, they will offer each other cordial good-nights and go back to their separate rooms. Like they do every night, they will think about each other as they fall asleep.

Continue down the hallway. The droid repair technician works on a cleaning droid that was kicked into a wall. He knows it’s not sentient, but he feels angry all the same.

You’re going faster now. You pass a few officers-Tiberius, Garret, Yarlix, Phasma, Drax, on their way to the bar. Drax is laughing.

Things are beginning to blur. There are Stormtroopers and officers, consoles and holoscreens, and then there’s nothing but the void of space.

A green planet.

There’s some sort of animal on Monument 3. You don’t know what it’s called or how intelligent it is, but it looks up as the Finalizer passes.

Monument 2. A smallish frog-like creature looks into the jaws of a predator. In the two seconds before it’s eaten, it thinks about the moon.

You’re starting to suspect that this has all been the world’s longest joke, a lead-up to a great cosmic punchline. _A morally ambiguous Sith Lord and sarcastic General walk into a bar . . ._

You think you’re beginning to understand.

Back, then. On the ship, in the room, in the bed, Hux, without really thinking about it, lifts Kylo’s hand above his face. He holds it there for a moment, like he’s using it to block the sun.

He brings the hand to his face and kisses his knuckles.

Beside him, as he often does when no one's watching, Kylo looks at him like he's a burning, flaming star.

The room doesn’t have windows, but if it did, and if he weren’t otherwise occupied, Hux might have seen a comet. It either gets sucked in by the gravitational pull of Monument 1 and burns up in its atmosphere, or misses the planet completely and continues on into space, forever. Either way, it is eternal.

The comet, the trees, the crew, the sky, the ship, the room, the bed, the hands, and-

-the drop.

It feels like that.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> It's been a trip.
> 
> I love you all.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are my lifeblood
> 
> updates/requests/etc.
> 
> decotext.tumblr.com


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